I’m Back! (Sorry, long post ahead!)

Not that anyone really noticed I was gone, but I haven’t felt the need to go on tumblr this summer. Also, very long post, but I’ve been gone so I just need to type my feelings out.

About this summer: I decided to live and work up in BC with my mom and sister. They live on the same property but different houses next to a river in the mountains. Pretty fucking gorgeous. 

Lots of stuff, and things, to do while living in the mountains. Oh wait, no opposite of that. Lots of relaxing, compromising my feelings, taking care of puppies, and not working. Some hiking, lots of swimming.

Gotta say my expectations for this summer were too damn high. I was thinking I’d be going on cool bush-whacking hikes every couple of days, learning how to chop wood, garden, fun outdoor things, meet a cute guy, meet a bunch of people I could hang out with.

Turns out, my sisters dog was pregnant so we took care of those pups (wonderful experience, and they did all get loving homes where we get to see them periodically, feel in love with all of those puppies.). So not a lot of hiking, because puppies. (And one needs a dog if one goes on mountains hikes, to scare off bears and cougars.) That’s okay, someone will teach me how to chop wood right? Nope, they did it all themselves before I got outside to ask. Well, okay. Gardening?! Yeah, did that it was fun! And jumping in the river almost every day! So not too bad, but I definitely feel like I missed out on outdoor adventures. Also, the only time we ever went on hikes was when someone else came to stay up here.

Okay, thought I was going to meet a cute guy. Well, I should never get my hopes up for that. Of course I didn’t. I just had my neighbor hit on me… Awesome because he’s pretty cute and very smart! No wait. He is the one who was just going to end his 10-year relationship.He did break up with her a few days after, I’ll give him that. Then we started hanging out just because, he started getting girls’ numbers. I was getting jealous. My own brain was compromising itself. I shouldn’t even remotely be attracted to this dude, stupid brain. (On a side note, I’d totally date him [or even just hook up by this point], but 1. there’s no way I’m going to be rebound-girl and 2. he lives on the same property my mom and sister do, and everyone loves his ex-girlfriend so I wouldn’t want to hurt her & seem like I got in-between them) So I want to date him but I don’t want to date him at the same time. Morals or some bullshit.

I essentially moved up here for the summer knowing no one. Obviously my mom and my sister and the other people on the property. None of my sister/brother-in-law’s friends remembered me. Or if they did they wouldn’t hang out with me unless I was with my sister/brother-in-law. So I was pretty much friendless this whole summer. Which is basically all my fault, but I do have social anxiety. And I’ve finally figured it out: when it comes to meeting new people I need someone I trust with me. It gives me the worst panic attacks if I were to go up to a stranger and introduce myself and small talk. In a professional setting I am totally alright, but a social one I am not. So it didn’t help that my sister would stay in bed all day and/or not invite me to social affairs (like I expected was going to happen). Not that it’s her fault by any means, all my fault but still wish that were to happen. I did meet one dude, and he was fun. A little on the clingy side but fun to hang out with none-the-less. And then I had my mother, but after awhile it gets… (I don’t know how to describe it but)… annoying? only hanging out with your mother. She doesn’t have many friends up here, so I did hang out with her a lot. 

Now these things I’m writing probably make it seem like I didn’t have a good time up here. I did. The adventures I did go on (mushroom hunting, hiking to many lakes with no one on them, zip-lining, skate comps, fires galore, raising puppies from birth) were amazing.

I think it has been the last couple of weeks that have made it seem like it hasn’t been. Frankly, I miss having a social life (as little as it was in Minneapolis) and hanging out with my best friends, I miss working to actually make money not this carving my savings account business, I miss meeting new people. I miss living alone/with roommates (not my mother). I miss not having to talk about school/future every week.

Up here, I’ll miss dogs (puppies and working with dogs, you bet I’ll miss having them around), I’ll miss my family (after awhile, I need to get away from them for a bit), I’ll miss the sustainable life style (everything has something from the garden, eggs are from next door, compost everything), I’ll miss the quiet (because I don’t really like city living), and most of all I’ll miss the mountains and rivers and lakes.

So, essentially what I learned being up here for close to 4 months: 
Don’t have high expectations. Life could match those expectations, and you’ll be a happy clam. If they don’t, well prepare to feel pretty bummed.

jaclcfrost:

having a crush on someone who’s famous is so awesome because it’s like hey! no chance of rejection. ever. my existence is completely off their radar. they don’t even know i’m alive. this is great. this is a fun time. i am having so much fun

(via fuckyeahgodofmischief)

licensetocannibalize:

cknd:

I spend so much time alone that if I was ever falsely accused for a crime I would never have an alibi

image

(via fuckyeahgodofmischief)

Abandoned  car at the TOP of a mountain through a logging road. 1940’s apparently. #hiking #forests #mountain #bc #abandoned

Abandoned car at the TOP of a mountain through a logging road. 1940’s apparently. #hiking #forests #mountain #bc #abandoned

Hike for today: waterfall. Nice little jaunt of the day. #hiking #forests #bc

Hike for today: waterfall. Nice little jaunt of the day. #hiking #forests #bc

Birthday shenanigans in paradise valley last night. #fire #music #mountains

Birthday shenanigans in paradise valley last night. #fire #music #mountains

She’s so cute :) #bc #bestfriends#thisismypropertybitches

She’s so cute :) #bc #bestfriends#thisismypropertybitches

On the other side of the river this time! @alixbydesign

On the other side of the river this time! @alixbydesign

Damn Montana, you are beautiful (and sorry alix’s family :). ) #roadtrip #travel #montana

Damn Montana, you are beautiful (and sorry alix’s family :). ) #roadtrip #travel #montana

In North Dakota: population, corn and us. @alixbydesign

In North Dakota: population, corn and us. @alixbydesign